Let me entice you into our new FANZINE with our first wordings
(you have been warned that expletives and bum-bums may arise) …
Welcome my glorious land lovers to what one likes to call The Emporium of Genius! Step right in and marvel at the quality of the written word and perfectnessness of the polished paragraph. In need of Space? So are we and pay a visit to the art gallery of the very same name. Have you let things get embarrassingly overgrown in a certain area? Worry you not, as The Lady Garden is here to prune away and tend to your bush. Got AIDS? We can help as our feature on The Rules of Deaf Club will get ears a wagging.
The Emporium is not about:
Obese size 8 Celebrities
Sex addicted soap stars that have found a new age fandangled way of playing god in their desperate latter years
The next new electronic piece of gadgetry which is bigger smaller or smaller bigger than the last one but is a necessary part of your life and if you do not purchase it you will die
What’s “hot” and what is apparently “not”
Hollywood starlets unable to frown
The Emporium is all about:
Interesting people with big fat creative brains that wobble as they walk
Not being a sex addicted cock with too much time and money on ones hands
Useless bits of gadgetry from a bygone era that feel nice and make clonky noises
What’s “not” and perhaps not so “hot”
Getting your wrinkly bits out for the lads and lasses (and then covering up in shame)
If you are fed up with the likes of OKAY DOKAY with their lavish major brand endorsed weddings, CHATTING with their tongue in cheek stories of accidental incest and social network stabbings and Liz Jones’ column in the YOU supplement, this little scrappy promise of a Fanzine may very well be for you.
So come on in, come on down, kumbayah and sing hosanna to the king of kings!
You need worry no more for
Is here to save your disillusioned soul
and your tattered trousers!
(which is nice)