Hello my Lime Regis Lovers!  The Emporium has a little something for you in the guise of the talented and misguided Louise Robbins (former Bond Girl and Dominic Littlewood impersonator).  A little less known fact about Ms Robbins is that she has also dabbled in the odd spot of impromptu kick boxing and wrestling.  Read on, dear reader, to, erm, read some more …

There is one thing I can put it all down to – pernicketiness.  Great word, not sure it actually exists, but great all the same.  Or perhaps two things – mixing in a tad of contrariness.  And a dwindling supply of patience…  Make that THREE things, alright, but this is not turning into the Spanish Inquisition!


These three make a potent combination, I hear you say.  Yet, by day I am a mild-mannered janitor  – nurse with more than the requisite amount of care, consideration and compassion available for all.


So how does this manifest itself?  When I lived in Londinium for many years, my favourite game was Annoy The Commuter, making even the most dull of journeys enlivened for all involved.  Well, for me anyway…  Please note this game may involve scheming my revenge for any wrongdoings.  These may include such heinous crimes as Rucksackitis – inflammation caused by rucksacks wielded inappropriately on the tube –  to I’m No Pushover – chasing an evil wench who pushed me over to poke her and call her only mildly rude names (well, we all have our limits).  Ha!

Moving away from Londinium I thought I may calm down a bit.  And I did, to some extent.  Now I’m in the merry land of Wiltshire where many folk look and think like this:


the opportunity is not often there and perhaps I have mellowed with age.  Or not.  Recent encounters started mildly – on sharing lifts with those who complained about my musical taste resulted in the next journey involving me picking this little delight for their delectation.

Ha!  A cacophony of noise for their little eardrums!!

And then there was the annoying incident of the scooter in the road in the early evening.  Coming home to my little cul-de-sac after a hard day at work, I realised that some little devil spawn of Satan had left their scooter in the middle of the road.

So, being the safety-conscious, community-minded person that I am, I got out of my car and with a dash of melodrama, I flung it (yes, flung, ha ha!) on the pavement and drove past an open-mouthed mum and kids, giving them my best Paddington Bear glare.  The fact that it was probably nothing to do with them was rather by-the-by…

Now I know why everyone likes to play baddies…  All that adrenaline…  Imagine, in another world I could have evil lightning fingers like the Emperor!


Perhaps the worst (and best) thing is my rejoicing in, and being unapologetic for, my little moments.  The fellow Londoner I met in a pub in Bath, who, like me, automatically creates elbow room by, erm, sticking his elbows out so he can’t be bashed into by drunken staggerers or tube commuters.  Diamond geezer, I may follow his advice and get my elbows steel plated for extra impact!  Ha!


But perhaps there is a little bit of this in all of us.  We all, at times, as Missy Elliot may have said, get our grump on!  Even our beloved Mrs H, who kindly understood me saying that I never take time off in half-term because of “all the bloody kids”.

Oh and of course pernicketiness exists, I looked it up afterwards.  Pernickety ol’ me!


The Emporium wishes to thank the above Ms Robbins for her honest wordings and apologise to all born and bred Wiltshire folk everywhere (but mainly in the location of Wiltshire).