We all have unfinished business. Whether it be a project, the ironing or a divorce settlement. Here are just a few of ours to make you feel less inadequate:
Mrs H’s business:
I have to admit that I don’t actually have a lot of unfinished business myself. Now, this isn’t because I finish things. It’s actually because I don’t get started in the first place. I think of an idea, get very excited about developing the concept, consider how much work I would have to do and how high the competition might be and then go for a sleep. So, from this you might be able to deduce that I am a calm and contented little soul …
But I do have a couple of unresolved issues that one has to get off ones chesticles …
Decoupage the Dog
I was at rather at a loss as to what to get ones friends for a certain birthday (40) age. I was racking my tiny brain cell for some inspiration, whence I came across one of these (minus ears and batteries) in a charity shop. My first reaction was buy! And my second was (and I think you will a agree with me here) decoupage!
So I frantically set about preparing the ripping of the paper and the gluing of glue. Started sticking and gluing and then found that the whole thing was just a little too foolish and sticky even for my liking.
And so we have a half decoupaged K9, sitting under ones coatstand, guarding the First Aid box, just in case burglars steal a band aid.
My friend is now 75 years of age and lives in warden assisted accommodation where one is not allowed to keep retired robot doggies from rebooted telly shows. What the Who?
Thank you for being a Friend
Many years ago I had a friend (for those that know me, this may be hard to believe). This friend of ours had a female friend. The female was not my choice. The female was the friends’ choice. So in order to keep friends with my friend I embraced her with open arms and pretended that she was my friend. But she wasn’t my friend. My friend was my friend. You get the idea.
They married and multiplied (which was unfortunate) and the fifty of them came to stay overnight (as in an overnight stay in order to gain ground on their true destination that they would leave for the next day) at my property. All was nice and all was calm.
In a totally unprovoked attack that very night over a game of Strip Scrabble and a light cheese board, she verbally abused me with such wordings as, “You bore me”, “Your fashion sense sucks”, “Your house smells of toilet and so does your breath” and worst, much worse than that “Your passion for Duncan from Blue is somewhat unhealthy”.
Although some of the above wasn’t actually said by the aforementioned “friends” female partner, the words I have chosen carry the spirit of what was actually alleged to on that day, and instead of my kind self opening the door and requesting that she left my premises forever, I found myself speaking in silence and saying nothing.
And so they stayed over night, left the next day, and I haven’t heard a jot from them since.
I suppose I should have known that was our last night together. Foresight is such a valuable gift. Perhaps I am concerned for my mute offering of words on the night and perhaps the lack of vocal ability is very well my “Unfinished Business”, but I believe in the old adage “Actions speak louder than words”. So please do not think ill of me, and know that one condones violence in any bestial form or flight of fancy, but one regrets from the bottom of ones biscuit tin that one didn’t have the initiative to tie up ones Doc Martins and kick the cunt in her hairy fanny.
Ah regrets, I have a few …
Jenny Chitloose has worms (in books that is) …
… I am so very annoyed!!! I started to read How I Escaped My Certain Fate. The Life and Deaths of a Stand-Up Comedian by Stewart Lee at the start of January. It was the book that I would read on the bus to distract me from noisy personal music players and potent bodily odour and I was thoroughly enjoying it (not the smells – the book you fool). And then, and sadly this sometimes can happen – I just stopped reading it. No reason or rhyme. Baa! I’m sure I will finish it one day – but I fear I may not be reading on the busses as I’m sure my public transport colleagues will notice and make the assumption that I am a very slow reader (for they have nothing else to think of as they wind their windy way to work in the morn). And as for Mythology – Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes, by Edith Hamilton, twas a lame attempt to “culture” myself. Well, do behave!
Miss C’s business:
“Tell me about your unfinished business”, said Miss H.
Unfinished business, Do I confess? And if I do, do I then have to finish it?
Truth be told I probably have more unfinished crafty bits than finished ones. My home is filled with beads, buttons, wool, paper, paint and body parts. I love things, bitty things, and so they are everywhere.
Of all the unfinished bits and bobs there is one I think about a lot. It’s the one piece that, more than any other, I would like to finish. So why don’t I, you ask, and the answer is I have no idea. It’s a tapestry that I started making for my youngest son before he was born. He is now 14! What makes it worse is that I finished the cross stitch sampler I made for his brother. I
I could still finish it. I could finish it and hang it on the wall in my bedroom, I could and maybe I will.
If you would like to share your hopelessness with us please send a picture of your Unfinished Business to either our facebook site or by email at email@example.com – The bestest one will win an exciting prize! Oh joy!