We are going to need considerably bigger buns!

Have you noticed the fashion that the young people are wearing these days?  Pretty little things wearing sensible footwear?  Adonis’s in thick rimmed glasses?  A penchant for the woollen in autumnal colouring?  Well have you?  HAVE YOU?

Who are these ones?  The slim jims, the prom queens, the aesthetically pleasing to the eye ones who dress like us?  Are they us?    Me thinks very much not!  Do they know who Alan Moore is?  Do they constantly watch reruns of “The Big Bang Theory” on E4 (and then some on E4+1)?  Would they be able to inform you on who their favourite Doctor is (and not the one from their local medical practice)?  And if they had to choose betwixt Benedict Cumberbach and Jonny Lee Miller, who would they choose (in theatre and on the small screen – faa-haa)?  If you, your very kind self have problematics in answering the aforementioned, be not at a loss, as I consider you to be as nerdy as oneself, due to your loyalty to the Emporium.  One last thing – do they really, really need to wear glasses?

Alan Moore – Gorgeous (and a friend to all animals).

Quite franky, this fashion is rude!  My preference has always been a nice pair of plastic specs resembling those of Eric Morcambes (apart from when I sported the Dennis Taylor “Snooker Loopy” look, but the best said about that phase the better).  So I implore you, please do not tread on my Sue Pollards with your Ted Baker brogues!

I blame the american media who were very much ahead of their time with this look.  All you need to do is look at the so called “Nerds” at fictitious high schools and neat secretaries taking short hand on the telly box.  With a swipe of her hand and a click of her grip, lady nerd can transform herself into a glamorous minx devoid of glasses and topknot.  A vision of “Wow” indeed!  If I did that, I would be left with tiny mole eyes and unflattering bumps in me hair.  Liars!  And while we are on the subject, why has Velma from Scooby Doo been transformed from a clever lass with  stocky legs made for playing hockey, to a booby sex siren in orange.  Is Scrappy the offcasts of her puppy fat?


Er, no!

I don’t think so!

So where does this leave the Plain Janes and the Normal Nigels of our society?  Does it mean cosmetic surgery, nose trimmers and spray tans?

In poor reference to spray tans, can anyone inform me as to what a “Lob-On” may entail?

All we are saying is give real nerds a chance.  I believe clothes doth not make the nerd (although it is a fair indication of one).  With my unmaintained bun in hair and my fondness of Norris McWhirter, I will not (and frankly can not) aspire to anything less.  This fashion will soon be at an end and the alphas will be once again back into silk and stilettos leaving the rest of us losers to breathe a sweaty sigh of relief in our polyester and plimsols.  Phew!

Perhaps Robert Pattinson took the nerd look just a tad too far.

As for that Caroline Flack?  I remember sporting that style hair, way, way back in my youth.  A nice grown out perm with ends to match.  Beautiful.  Who would have known that back in them days of old, I would have been such a maverick in setting a trend.

Ms. Hegarty …

Miss. Flack – Separated at birth?