It is time once again my fellow fruitcakes for another small make for the uncreative and infirm of us.  For this make you will need some of these …

“I’m a crayon and I like to make colourful pictures!” SHUT UP YOU SLAGS!

I don’t like crayons.  They are nearly as crap as a fully grown turd (but at least a sturdy stool will make its mark without you pressing too hard and snapping its head off – well, it does in my bowl).  Infact, they have previously made me so very angry, that I have wasted many hours of my very busy living talking to numerous therapists (their conclusions have been unanimous, as they suggest my parents are to blame – which I entirely agree with).

Boo to you crayon! I say Boo!

So this is what I suggest you do with them …

Invite them over, turn the lights down low, put on something a little sexy (but not too revelling – a polyester nightdress with the top buttons undone will very much do the trick) and play some rather seductive music (I hope you do realise that this is in reference to the crayons and not my parents – Who do you think I am?  Some kind of sicko?)  May I humbly suggest the following to get your waxy little sticks in the mood …

When we’re together, touchin’ each other, and our bodies do what we feel. When were dancin’, smoochin’ and swayin’ …

Now strip them!!!!

Crayons – naked and vulnerable – the way I like ’em!

And before they know what’s hit them.  Snap and break them into to little pieces!!!  Pop them into silicon baking cases make sure they are suited to the delights of the microwave (drat, have I spoiled the surprise) …

Squeal crayons … SQUEAL!

And melt them in the microwave (dag-nam it!) for approximately ten minutes (ahhh, I am feeling better already).  To show the passing of time, here is a picture of the Schools and Colleges Countdown generally shown before an extremely informative and tedious man tried to tickle you with a bunsen burner …

Them crazy school and college dayz! Yo! (Gabba-Gabba)

Once the wax has fully melted pop them into the freezer compartment till fully set (be careful for the wax is hot and the crayon may just get its revenge by dripping on you.  Them mucky ones).

ASDA are liars! The Lemonade lollies do not make your ears steam – everybody knows it’s the Cherryade ones!

Once set, take out of their cases and have a look at your new wax crayons.  Pretty enough to eat eh, that is if you like the taste of crayon.

Can you guess which one was made from crayons and which were made from vegetable stock cubes?

Ta-Dum!  Now you have thicker and prettier crayons and you can finish off your creative art project with ease and splendour.

The artists work is complete – “An ode to lost Poets” will be showing in a public convenience near you for the rest of your hamsters life.  Amen!

Nice and good day to you!

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