Two years ago, I was a bored housewife with a part time job.

Then I had a revelation!

Why not make videos?

Why not post them on Facebook?

And why not send them to Peter Serafinowicz and Marek Larwood and await in anticipation for them to adorn me with self raising flowers and athlete foot lotions of my choosing?

This is why not …

Building the First Bridge to Public Humiliation

At the ripe and slightly off age of 75, I happened to stumble upon one of my all time favourite “youth songs” on You of the Tube.  Although I had never put it into practise, I had yearned to perform a theatrical dancing experience with lights, actions and lady boys.  Unfortunately, being on a budget (and not actually knowing any lady boys by name or address) I was left with what follows as a means to an unsightly end (count yourself lucky, my second choice was the entire album of “War of the Worlds”) …

(Description: Warning! Fingers and suggestive boobs are used in this video.  Not to be viewed by children under the age of 90).

Going for Last Place

Now, yes!  Quite right.  I should have stopped there and then.  But whence placing it on that old devil called Facebook – I was pleasantly surprised and rather overjoyed with at least two people thumbing me in the “likes” region, and I felt elated out of my tiny trousers!  I had hit the heady world of flotsam and famesome!  I, quite frankly, was going to live forever! Why stop now?  I’ve travelled so far (well, actually just up the stars to my spare room).  So, like Michael Palin, I was off on my creative travels once more …

Description: Jenny Chitloose is multi talented in all areas but exceeds in expressive dance and trombone miming.  She likes falling down,  the colour brown and George Michael is her ideal man.

I think the actions speak for themselves here.

Ski Sloping down the Social Ladder

By this time, my number of two viewers had considerably dwindled and I found myself in a much darker and cabbagy place.

Description: Warning!  This video contains bodily fluids and can give you a head rush – Don’t be naughty with your brain!

Conclusion

Finally and thankfully I eventually came to my senses when reading the following critics insightful and concise wordings …

“Ugly c@nt does dancing.  Ugly c@nt can’t dance.  Who the f#rk is this ugly c@nt?”

I don’t know who you are, where you’re from, what you’ve done, but thank you.  Your words have saved many people from scooping their eyes out with a spoon (bless you “Utopia”).

I never did hear from Peter or Marek.

Bastards!